Stinky and Mysterious

Hey Melvin...

Why does ASU East smell like sweaty (men)? And what are your thoughts on a portion of Obama's stimulus package going towards a skyscraper-sized bottle of Febreeze to make my walk to class a little more endurable?

-Bandana-faced Sundevil

Dear banana face,

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't noticed that same foul odor. And I'd be a fool if I didn't agree that we need some bailing out over here. 

First, I will address the reason for the smell. I did some research, hoping to discover a mysterious tale of old, recounting some confidential military or dharma initiative experiments that were secretly conducted years ago on campus and were now buried low beneath the surface, only for its unpleasant stench to come crying up from the dust, years later, haunting the very mad scientists that once created it (and us poor students). Instead, I found 3 large dumpsters clustered together which are responsible for the trespass.

Secondly, I spoke with Febreeze and they agree to construct the large bottle. They find the marketing could be good for business. Now all we need is Congress to slip it in the bill so we get some funding. Turns out, it is quite expensive. I think it is quite possible though, because they sure got a lot of bologna to sneak in as it is.

-Melvin

Cat food is for Cats

Hey Melvin,

It's been a while since your last post...like two months. Cat got your tongue? And why is that even a saying??

-Arnold

Hey Arnold,

I appreciate the chastisement. However, some of us have more important things in life than blogging all day. I mean, I already have to juggle e-mail, facebook, myspace, and disney.com. It's not easy finding time. But ok, ok... I suppose if you are going to BEG, I will try harder to post more.

Melvin isn't one to hold a grudge either. Seeing you are one of my three fans, I suppose I will answer your question anyway. The phrase "Cat got your tongue?" originates from the Egyptian era. It dates back to over 3000 years ago. Legend tells us that when thieves were caught in the temple their tongues were cut out and fed to the Pharaoh's cat. Hence, the cat literally had your tongue. Talk about cruel punishment.

-Melvin

Where did Evolution begin?

Melvin,

The theory of Evolution states that all living species on the planet Earth come from a common ancestor. However the biggest question which has been looming over evolution is how did the first living thing come to life? Your thoughts?

-Darwin

Dear Darwin,

I thank you for your question. Unlike the other questions I normally receive, yours requires more of an internal soul search, as opposed to wikipedia and other reliable resources. Hence, I pondered your question for quite some time. I searched deep down in the most trusty encyclopedia we all have: our hearts. No Google can replace it. No Ask.com can compete. For, the heart is the eye to the soul; which is precisely the place where everything started. Evolution is nothing more than progress over time. Whether we were all microbes or monkeys at one point on this Rock doesn't matter. The soul is eternal, without beginning or end. It never wasn't. It always was; and will forever continue to be. 

-Melvin

A Zebra's True Color

Hey Melvin,

We watched a video in class last week about Africa. It showed lots of clips of all the cool safari animals, including the zebra. So I was wondering... is a zebra black with white stripes or white with black stripes? 

- Curious in California

Alright Gang, if you think you can do better, feel free to comment on the answer you feel is correct!